Prepare to be dazzled by the Maxabellaland Morning Routine for Working Parents
TM (MMRWP). It is a modern miracle of engineering. The MMRWP has been tested on a prototype family group consisting of 1 adult male, 1 adult female, 1 schoolchild, 1 preschooler and 1 toddler. Sadly it has yet to work on the Preschooler prototype who likes to sleep in, refuses all breakfast temptations and runs screaming at the sight of a hair brush (this is genetic).
The key to a successful MMRWP is that most of the action takes place the night before at The Launch Pad.
TM The Launch Pad is a plain, brown leather with milk-smears and stale popcorn decorated couch in the family living room. Don't be fooled by its ordinary somewhat drab appearance. It is Ground Control for the MMRWP.
The night before Launch, Adult Male and Adult Female consult The Chart
TM and lay out every item of clothing to be worn or carried by the family group the next day. This includes clothing, handbags, hair accessories, shoes, school bags, stethoscope, library books, sports equipment, handcuffs, computer bags, phones, keys, letters to post, the lot. The Launch Pad has an annexe - The Fridge Shelf
TM. Lunches needed for the morning are made the night before and kept fresh and ready in a basket on The Fridge Shelf.
So, if it's leaving Maxabellaland tomorrow, it's at The Launch Pad or The Fridge Shelf tonight.
On the Morning of Launch it's critical that everyone just gets on with the job and doesn't deviate from the important business of Getting Out The Door. When the children were smaller, it used to be fun to pretend to be rockets and get ready to whizz, whizz, whizz out the door. This suggestion would now be met with derision and cause mass panic and chaos. Lives could be lost. We keep it straight.
Adult Male wakes early and gets the Toddler her beloved 'bottiglia' (Adult Male is of Italian background so it's not quite as pretentious as it sounds.) School Child soon joins them and eats the standard breakfast of all young Aussie children, Weetbix and Milk. Adult Female drags herself down the stairs looking like a broken-down hag after a night on the turps. She promptly disappears into the bathroom to do things unknown and generally emerges looking not much better.
Whole family takes it in turns to try to rouse Preschooler from her slumber. Adult Male wants to spray her with water (a technique picked up from a nazi-mum on Wife Swap USA) but Adult Female resists. School Child wants to pummel her senseless but Adult Female resists. Toddler gets her nappy changed on top of the bed with much squealing, kicking and hysterical nappy throwing, but the Preschooler slumbers on. Under threats of being left behind to fend for herself and, dear god,
tie her own shoelaces, the Preschooler eventually rumples herself out of bed and everyone takes it in turns to try to get her to eat breakfast. She consents to a mandarin, a nutritious, wholesome start to any child's day.
Family hits The Launch Pad and here the miracle MMRWP is realised. The Launch Pad focuses everyone and helps get them sorted. 10, 9, 8... Adult Male and Adult Female take turns assisting the prototype children to get dressed. 7, 6, 5... The Toddler insists on changing her shoes three times, four times, for the love of god just keep the damn shoes on, five times, not Adult Female's shoes
your shoes, your
own shoes, six times... 4, 3... clothes are on, shoes are tied, bags are hefted... 2,1... and before too long they are all ready and whizz, whizz, whizzing out the door. Just like little rockets... blast, I forgot to change out of my slippers!
