Jikana Damaru: 01/27/11

Fancy a Cup of Tea?

When you go "out for coffee" with friends... what is it that you actually order?

Are you a traditionalist, ordering a cappuccino with extra froth or are you super trendy with your double-shot-soy-decaf-latte? Or perhaps you go more for the flavoured variety, favouring a caramel macchiato or a mocha frappaccino (my personal fave, oh Starbucks, where for art thou?!)

Or maybe your order is the equivalent social-leperdom of vegetarianism and you don't actually drink coffee at all and instead order a hot chocolate! Teehee, I'm vego so excuse my cheeky dig at the non-coffee drinkers out there ;)

Myself? I'm a double-shot-skinny-flat-white kinda gal, all the way. I cannot cannot start my day without at least one of these... or better yet, two.

Image from Made by Girl

I'm lucky enough to own a pretty top-notch coffee machine. It's an ECM Giotto and worth its weight in gold, unlike our previous two cheapies which each bit the bullet within 12 months or so. We've got it set on a timer, so it wakes us up about 6-ish when it fires up its ignition, but there are worse ways to be woken up, let me assure you...

Yup, I'm a coffee gal, all the way. But it wasn't alway this way. I used to be a tea drinker. For a while, I was addicted to all those beautifully packaged T2 teas and would brew myself a little pot of "Gorgeous Geisha" to have with an iced vovo quite regularly... I also have a weakness for vintage teacups, which is possibly why my latest discovery has reinvigorated my tea-drinking habit and inspired my wish-list for the moment. If I hadn't just parted with $500 to pay a silly fine, I would be laying down my credit card for any and all of these items:

They are from the Cuckoo range by Wedgwood, and if it is possible to capture my personality in a teacup... there it is! Love love love these. But being Wedgwood; a teapot and set of four little teacups will set me back some serious mint, so I'm saving up! And then, once I have these displayed prettily on a little shelf I feel it would be only right to boil the water for my cup of tea from this splendid Alessi kettle:

How proud this kettle would perch on my gas cooktop, just waiting to sing merrily away! Sigh.

Must stop dreaming now. And re-thread my sewing machine. Bubby Makes Three designs are on the launching pad almost ready for blastoff! Stay tuned folks!

Have a lovely, lovely weekend. x

Dealing with Difficult People #6: Bullies

For a long time I found it really difficult to stand up for myself around bullies. I was fine asserting myself with most other types of people, but not the irrational, aggressive, in-your-face bully. I felt intimidated, teary and humiliated every single time.

I realised later that I tended to lose my voice and myself around bullies because they are so unfair. It's so hard (and pointless really) to argue with someone who just wants to make you look small so they can feel bigger. I also think that bullying can be quite subtle and pervasive so that you are almost questioning yourself whether it is actually happening.

Bullying for kids is a different field and one I'm not experienced in. But if you are facing bullying of the adult kind, my main strategy has always been to stay well away. But if you really can't avoid them...

1. Stand tall and proud
Make eye contact. Don't flinch. Be solid. Practice deep breathing. Listen to what they have to say, but don't own it. Be a wall with ears.

2. Don't get angry
Distract yourself with a poem, counting, a song. Our huge repertoire of nursery rhymes comes in handy right about now. It's hard to get angry when your head is singing "a'tissue a'tissue we all fall down".

Remember the golden rule with bullies: whatever their problem is, you are not it.

It won't do you any good to try to 'win' a confrontation with a bully. This can be frustrating because it's just not fair to let someone so awful and undeserving be the 'winner'. It's not right, it's not fair, but it's just the way it is.

3. Stand up for yourself
When the time is right, interrupt them in a calm, measured voice. Saying their name again and again in a firm but gentle way tends to get their attention. Say "I don't like the way you're talking to me. I'm happy to have this conversation, but not like this. Maybe you should come back when you've calmed down." Note that you are putting the onus on them here. Walk calmly away. Ignore the insults that they will shout after you.

4. Be honest about how you feel
The temptation is often to keep a bully at bay by being kind to them. When I was younger I used to do this, but although it smoothed the way, it sure didn't make me feel good about myself. These days I tend to be upfront with bullies and also about how I'd prefer to deal with them. This makes me feel better and it also makes me less likely to be bullied by them again. For instance, at work I tell them in no uncertain terms that I find talking with them face to face difficult and would prefer to use email.

5. Let people know
Don't feel ashamed that you're having problems dealing with someone like this. Let other people know so that you are not alone. Most bullies are harmless, but some can turn very ugly, very quickly. It's good to know you have back-up. Be proud of the fact that you have people you can rely on in this way. Bet your best knickers the bully doesn't.

Man, bullies are hard work.

Do you have to deal with anyone with bullying tendencies?

Do you have any coping strategies to share?

[Image: I wonder how Suse Bauer from Revoluzzza feels about being part of my Difficult People series? I received permission to use her images, but I don't quite think she knows what she signed up for!]

It's about Romi

This week for my 'shops i love' page, I bring you another brand I discovered at Top Drawer. It's about Romi is a Dutch interior accessory company founded in 1993. Started on a roof attic in Amsterdam it has developed into an enthusiastic and professional business. All products are designed and developed in-house with two collections a year comprising over 100 original pieces.

On my wish list is the white bunny candle for Easter and beyond.

Have a sweet day!