Much like the kid who wants to be an actor but trains to be a plumber, every mother needs a second job. It's a self-esteem thing, but not as you might think.
Yes, it's busy being a working mother. Busy, busy, busy. It requires the strategic planning power of a General and the stamina of his army, but...
But.
This could just be me, but the thing about being a working mum is that expectations are generally lower. If you're not doing such a great job as a parent this week it's because 'work is just so busy'. Sympathetic nods all round. If you're not matching up on the work front it's because 'there's lots going on with the kids this week'. Sympathetic nods all round. You never really have to show up 100% to either work or parenting and nor is it expected of you.
You can do that as a SAHM or as a child-free worker as well, of course. No-one ever expects 100% of everyone all of the time. We are not machines and there are plenty of reasons why we might not be able to give our all, but...
But.
When you're a working mother you get praised all the time for not doing a particularly sterling job. At least, I felt like I was. In fact, when I was doing a particularly sucky job at either work or parenting, that's when I got the most praise. Working Mother Praise (WMP) is rampant.
"You're amazing, I couldn't do what you do," said my co-worker when I ballsed up a project we were working on together. The Badoo was sick.
"You're amazing, I couldn't do what you do," said my friend when I was an hour late to pick the kids up from her place. Couldn't get away from work.
You're amazing, if only I had your energy, you deserve some time to yourself, I don't know where you find the energy, I should be taking lessons from you, you're amazing. That there are colleagues who haven't had a slick of good feedback in months who are slaving away day after day, giving it their all. That there are mothers mothering around the clock without a single kind word some days, slaving away day after day, giving it their all. Well now. All that WMP makes you feel guilty. Amazing, but guilty.
I miss the praise. Now I'm just another mum at the school gate and no one is telling me I'm amazing just for showing up. It's the way it should be, but oh my, do I miss that Working Mother Praise.
When was the last time someone told you you were amazing just for showing up?
[Image from Steady Mom - Are you a professional mother?]
