Jikana Damaru

A Terrible Time

This was me 3 years ago after a simple every day surgery turned into a 3 month nightmare! I woke one morning and could not walk - the pain in my ankle was so bad I could not put any weight on it what so ever! I called in sick and stayed in bed that day! The pain got worse and I also noticed pain in my chest and my belly! I was very weak so I decided to just sleep it off. 2 days later the pain was still there in my stomach and up into my chest so mum insisted she take me to the doctor! This was Wednesday - public holiday here in Brisbane for our annual show - the EKKA. I was poked and proded and examined and she couldn't find anything. She sent me off to the emergency as the pain was bad and she couldn find anything without 'machine' help. bahhhh last thing I felt like doing. But off we went - I was hungry and just wanted to go home. I hadn't eaten all day but I still wasn't allowed to as I had to have all of the tests at the hospital. Xrays - ultra sounds - MRI - Cat scans - all showed nothing. It was 7.00pm and I was starving and they finally were letting me go home - oh how I was dreaming of mac and cheese!!!! 5 minutes later another doctor came in and said I was going in for surgery in 10 minutes so suit up! What a whirl wind!!! 1 minute I was going home - next I was putting on the sexy paper undies ready for surgery! They suspected appendicitis so didn't want to run the risk of it bursting. I could handle that. no troubles...quick 40 minute key hole surgery and out the next day.

4 hours later I was back in my room and all I heard was "midnight' and "tumor" I was alone and totally out of it but all I registered was that I had been in surgery for 4 hours and I had cancer - have I mentioned before that I'm a drama queen!!! The next morning and a meeting with my surgeon revealed that yes my surgery had taken 4 hours because once they went in to get my appendix out they found a tumor on my bowel so they had to remove it. It was non cancerous. A week of torture followed this! After the doctor left I was bathed by a nurse! I couldn't move on my own and was still pretty out of it and I actually let a stranger shower me! I know this is normal but not for me! The minute my mum came I didn't let her go! I was a sook. I was not strong! I didn't push through! I didn't rise above. I sunk low. I held on to my mummy for support and totally depended on her for everything. I had never been hit hard and this hit me god dam hard! I let it over come me and I didn't try to help myself at all! I couldn't roll, sit up, laugh, walk or do anything for myself! They cut straight through my stomach and this bloody hurt! I know mums do this every single day after having C sections but I wasn't a mum and I didn't have a baby...just a big huge ugly scar across my stomach and a diet of apple juice and jelly! I wasn't allowed to eat for 7 days....7 days....I was friggen angry...nurses, mum, everyone was telling me I had to be strong, I had to do things for myself, I had to walk to the toilet ummmmm how bout you get starved for 7 days and then see if you have any single tiny ounce of energy left in your body to pick yourself up and walk around a ward! I was angry, I was upset, I was sore. I just wanted to go home and EAT!!! I also had massive allergic reactions to a pain killer YYYUUKKKK and totally tripped out on the morphine. Every time I shut my eyes little monkeys would swing my cords around. I also thought my body was a donut and when my dad hugged me I thought jam and cream was getting spurted out of my body - needless to say the morphine was taken straight off me. I was so mean to my mummy! But I needed her! 7 days she stayed with me and did not leave me once! She slept on a cot beside my bed! I was 22 but needed her like I was 2! I am eternally grateful for such a special person in my life! My dad also traveled every day by train from teh gold coast to sit by my side. Not intrude, not interrupt but be there for me. I'm a very lucky girl!

Long story short - it was a horrible experience and at the time I was not strong. I often wonder if that happened to me now would I act differently! Would I use my motivational tools to look positively on the situation and coach myself into recovering better and quicker and easier and happier! There are so many more things that happened in that week and the following few but as I found when I was typing it makes me angry! I dont know why, but it did, and I'm sure that came out in some of my writing! The reason I bring this story up is because I am having a few complications and I have to go back to my surgeon to see if anything is wrong resulting from the surgery! I have an appointment on Wednesday afternoon so wish me luck that all is ok! I also have to have a colonoscopy which I am not looking forward to but I am trying to be strong and I WILL NOT let my mind take over my body like it did in that hospital 3 years ago!

A terrible time but I have a huge scar across my body to constantly remind me that I got through it and

I was ok.

I didn't ever think I would!

Even though times are bad and times are tough we always get through it!

Even when the journey is terribly atrocious! ;-)

x S.K.K x

My Easter Mood Boards

This Easter I wanted to do a new theme and colour palette so, after much searching and deliberation, I have decided to go for a butterfly and bird theme based on my bird trail fabric from Clarke and Clarke. I had recently purchased a couple of metres of oilcloth and a metre of the cotton duck to use in my laundry room but I thought I would use the oilcloth as my Easter table cloth first!

The kind people at Dulux mixed me up a tester pot of the pink and blue used in the bird trail fabric at The Ideal Home Show. I have started to paint bird houses, butterflies and eggs in pink and blue.

I have also bought an array of pretty ribbons to hang my eggs from, to wrap around gifts and to decorate jars. Felted polka dot fabric to hand stitch birds with and plenty of chocolate moulds and cookie cutters to make the prettiest Easter sweet treats.

Stay tuned and I will be sharing all my new Easter craft projects here...

Have a sweet day!

the view from here

Top 25 Party Planning Moms

Have had a few very exciting emails today - it has caught me completely by surprise - I have been nominated as one of the Top 25 Party Plannin Moms over on Circle of Moms. Certainly didn't see that coming but I am very excited to say the least. I have never really been nominated for any awards and to be in the company that is listed is very exciting!

So if you would like to give me your vote click here

I look forward to sharing Sofia's 5th Birthday Party with you later in the week once I have sorted out the photos but couldn't go past a few quick pictures of these beautiful balloons that are still floating around our house after the party!

Images: {Sweet Style by Mrs A In The Cove}

A Natural Easter

Today in my series of posts "Inspirational Pins", I bring you another Easter Inspirational board. This time with lots of grassy green, fresh florals and hidden eggs! Tomorrow, I will show you my Easter Palette.

Have a sweet day!

under the boardwalk

I took these during an early morning walk along the beach. I really love getting out & about as a family of four, exploring, capturing & spending time together without having to worry about hanging out the next load of washing! It is so good to have time together & it is a plus that my husband is so encouraging & enjoys supporting me on my photographic journey. My girls are also good at spotting photo moments & will often say 'Hey Mum, take a picture of this' I am so thankful.

Daddy's Little Cycling Stars

My husband lives and breathes cycling. He owns two bicycle stores here on the Central Coast so he works with bikes all day. When he comes home, he watches all the cycling he's recorded on Foxtel and more often than not then goes off riding or racing his own bike in the evening. He talks cycling. He reads about cycling. When he's not actually cycling, he's thinking about cycling.

Cycling cycling cycling.

I like cycling too. Just not as much. I used to a bit more, and maybe I will one day again, but these days I prefer 'cycling' in the confines of a hot, sweaty, dark room fitted out with glow in the dark paint. aka the Spin room at the gym. I don't have as much time on my hands for outdoor pursuits these days. Or rather, I don't make the time. Let's not make excuses.

But yesterday, I made an exception.

Dan is not one to let the fact that we have a two year-old plus a small baby only recently able to sit on his own get in the way of a family cycling adventure. That's why he came home with this:

It's a trailer that connects onto the back of a bike. This one comfortably seats both our children, side by side. Fern and Elli absolutely love sitting in there watching the world go by (well, Fern watches the world, Elli just watches Fern!) ... they talk to one another and shout out orders to daddy to go faster. And this thing literally stops traffic. We get thumbs up from motorists and I've seen a few drivers almost break necks swivelling their heads around 360 degrees to get a geezer of the guy in professional riding getup sporting his two little kids on the back of a trailer... And as I ride my own bike behind Dan and the trailer, what absolutely melts my heart is the sight of Fern's arm, wrapped around Elliott's shoulders holding him upright.

We can't wait til Fern and Elliott can ride a 'real' bike and we can all go out together... Fern has been sitting on the back of Dan's bike since she was six months old and barely big enough to keep a helmet on her head! It's becoming a bit of a Sunday afternoon tradition to get out there and feel the wind in our hair... a tradition that can only get better as the kids get older and are eventually able to pedal their OWN bikes, most probably faster than we can!

Yes, I'm dreaming of a time we can all meander romantically along the waterfront on a sunny day with baskets laden with picnic food... but I can't help but think Dan might be harbouring a slightly more ambitious dream for his children:

Yes folks, Dan has brought home the complete Central Coast Cycling Club kit consisting of jerseys and knicks for both our children, including one who cannot yet walk. Yep. But apparently he can ride?!? Proud daddy, much? And between you and I, it was kind of cute....

To my little cycle-super-stars of the future -- hurrah!