Jikana Damaru

December 2011

2012 how did you creep up on me so soon! Where on earth did you come from! Time is flying by and I just can not seem to stop it! With the blink of my eye I have experienced a whole year and before I know it I am 26 years old, Christmas has been and gone and we are into a new year!

So much has happened over the past month that I have not had time to scratch myself let alone write about all of the adventures and Special Moments I have had! I hope that I can recap my amazing month of December and blurt it out for you here in a blog post! Sit tight, hold on and enjoy the ride!

December was my Birthday month, Christmas month and school holiday month at work. We had a lot of celebrations, trips, adventures and firsts! This was my December ride...

On the 30th of November...not quite December...I had the awesome experience of seeing Elton John live in concert! Well well well what can I say!

My mother in law won tickets to see his show and even though I didn't buy the tickets because I wanted to go, I was extremely surprised at how much fun I had and how much I enjoyed it! He is such a brilliant performer and although it wasn't as colourful and as crazy as I thought it would be, it still blew my mind! He literally sat at his piano and played non stop for 2 hours! no breaks nothing. Song after song. Hit after hit.It was brilliant. Now THAT is a performer! No fancy costumes, no crazy stage show, just a man and his voice and his piano. I'm glad I got to experience it!

The next weekend was another performance but of a different kind! I went to the ballet! My mum, cousins and I went for a girls day out to see "Swan Lake" It was so gorgeous! Although I was a bit confused with the beginning and ending of the show the dancing was still amazing. It went for 3 hours, however, I lost myself in the beauty of the dancing and the music! It was so lovely to shut the outside world off and enjoy such a pretty show! Man the muscles on those men would put any footballer to shame!!!

The next step in my December ride was my BIRTHDAY!!! I had 3 celebrations for my birthday! I had a bbq by the pool with friends the weekend before December! I had such a wonderful day swimming in the pool with all of my favourite people! It was cruisey and relaxing and fun! Exactly what I ordered for my birthday :-) I also had a morning tea with my family the weekend after my birthday! This was so lovely! My side of the family and Robs side of the family came together to celebrate with me! I got some beautiful presents including the full set of Anne of Green Gables books and tickets to go see ANNIE the musical! I am so so so excited to see this! Its one of my best friends and my favourite musicals and I saw it when I was younger so I can not wait to see it again! the morning tea was short and sweet but I really enjoyed the company and playing with my nieces and nephews and cousins! On my actual birthday the children I nanny were staying at my house for the week. Boy did we make the most of it! I took them to swimming lessons in Brisbane in the morning and then we went on an adventure! We went to "EcoPark" which is a fantastic little fishing park at the base of Mount Tambourine! Our favourite pet store owner and his wife have just bought this place and have really made it come alive! You hire a rod and go for gold! You can fish all day, with guarantees of catching ;-) and they are not your little average size fish! It was so much fun! We only caught 8 fish but the boy across from us caught 22!!! How awesome for kids!!! and me :-) They are also adding animals to the park. When we went there were guinea pigs and goats and alpacas and a pony! So cute to cuddle and play with! That night when Rob got home from work the 5 of us went out to dinner to my favourite place "sushi train" Even though I had to work ALL day on my birthday it was still a lot of fun and it was an experience that I will remember! Here are a few snap shots from my birthday celebrations!


Sushi Train for dinner on my birthday with the kids!

(I'm sorry I cant load any more photos as they are all loading on sideways :( I hope I fix this soon)

December brought along school holidays and I had a lot of fun spending the days with all 3 kids. We went on many adventures together and they even had a week long stay at our house! This was fun...and a challenge. But I think I handled it pretty well! I am so ready to be a mum...of 3...or even 4 ;-) we loved having children in our home! We did a LOT of arts and crafts, we went swimming, we went to the drive in movies, we went to the fishing park, we went christmas light looking and we went the beach! A fun week was had by all :-)

Next on the December road trip we hit CHRITMAS!

This Year we decorated our house again with Christmas lights! Photos DO NOT do it justice!

They were MAGICAL!!!

Each Year we add something new! This year was our colourful reindeer and put lights on the tree! Next year we are covering the roof! Exciting!!

Christmas day started off with our traditional breakfast at mums! Every year all of our family that live in Brisbane get together for a yummy cooked breakfast by my mum and dad! I love starting the day off with all my loved ones smiling, laughing and eating good food! Boy do we laugh! My family is hilarious! Just saying! Here in Brisbane we have my mum and her brother! My uncle has 2 daughters and mum has 2 daughters! So all of our partners have had to join a very tight family. But boy oh boy when we are all together it is one big laugh fest! The guys bring so much laughter to our family it's not even funny. (hrm??need a new analogy there) The kind of belly jiggling, cheeks hurting kind of laugh fest! I love it! We have fun and that's what its all about! Another thing I love about Christmas morning at my mums is SANTA STILL COMES! Yep 25 whoops sorry 26 and Santa still fills my stocking! I always believe!

After breakfast we headed home as we were hosting Christmas lunch for Robs family at our house this year! I love hosting! I love our home and I am very proud of it and I love having my family and friends over to celebrate with us! I don't go overboard. I keep it simple and it always looks and turns out perfectly! White table clothes with red runners. A Christmas tree in a pot with the words 'peace' on one table and 'hope' on the other! Simple, festive, perfect. This year we had our "real tree" in our backyard so we decided to have Christmas outside! Mother nature held off the rain but boy she replaced the heat with it! It was hot but we survived! We enjoyed a beautiful afternoon with rob parents, his brothers and wives and our gorgeous, gorgeous gorgeous nieces and nephews! I'm a little bit addicted to their gorgeous smiles and cheeky giggles and I'm telling you now my heart just melts and I fall into a thousand pieces every time I hear the words "Aunty Sarah"

Christmas night we slept! We were so tired from the huge festive day we just cuddled up on the couch together and slept! It was a perfect ending to a perfect Christmas. Our fifth Christmas together. Very Special!

Christmas

JOY

Christmas

LOVE

The last week of December involved a lot fishing, prawn eating, visiting friends, spending time with Robs family for his mums birthday and packing for our trip away! It was jam packed and it flew by in a second. Ok maybe in 7 days but shhhhh What a year! What a December! 2011 you were amazing!

x S.K.K x

Mini gluten free gingerbread houses

At the end of last year I made a large gingerbread bird house to sit on my Winter Wonderland dessert table and a bunch of small ones to give as gifts. I now am in love with mini gingerbread bird houses as they look so cute and those that received them as gifts seemed very pleased! I might have to start making mini gingerbread bird houses for all the holidays: I think they would be a cute Easter gift filled with mini chocolate eggs!

Gluten free chocolate gingerbread mini bird houses x 4

Ingredients
250g unsalted butter
200g dark muscovado sugar
600g gluten free plain flour
3 tsp xanthan Gum
7 tbsp golden syrup
2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tbsp cocoa powder

Cooking instructions

Heat oven to 180 deg C
Place the butter, sugar and golden syrup in a medium saucepan and, on a low heat, stir with a wooden spoon until the sugar has dissolved, then remove from heat
Place the flour, xanthan gum, ground ginger, ground cinnamon, cocoa powder and bicarbonate of soda in a food mixer
Slowly add the melted butter mix to the flour mix and beat until well combined
Roll dough out to about 8mm thick on to baking paper
Cut out four fronts, then cut small circle out of fronts
Cut out four backs
Cut out eight roofs
Cut out eight sides
Cut out four birds
Slide cut pieces still on the baking paper on to baking trays
Bake in the oven for 8 minutes or until firm to the touch, turning the tray half way through cooking
Leave to cool for a few minutes, then re-cut around edges to neaten
Leave to completely cool

Decorating the Bird House

Ingredients
Roll on icing
Icing sugar (powdered sugar)
Royal icing
Pink candy melts
Blue candy melts
Pink pareills
Blue sugar crystals
Teal food colouring
Teal edible glitter
White edible glitter
White candy sticks cut to 2cm long

Equipment
Rolling pin
Sieve
Icing bag fitted with small star nozzle
Paint brush
Bird cutter

To decorate

Glittering iced gingerbread mini bird cookies

Dust icing sugar onto a hard clean surface and roll out coloured icing to 2mm thick
Cut out bird in icing using bird cutter
Dampen back of cut out bird and stick to top of bird cookie
Brush front of iced bird with water and sprinkle with glitter, leave to dry

Dust icing sugar onto a hard clean surface and roll out icing to 3mm thick
Cut out base of house components in icing

Brush water onto back of cut-out icing component and place on top of corresponding gingerbread piece. Repeat until all gingerbread house side pieces are iced
Lightly dampen the front of the iced houses and sprinkle in white glitter, leave to dry

Melt pink candy melts as instructions
Paint candy melt onto front of roof
Liberally sprinkle with pink pareills, leave to dry
Using a sharp knife, angle the inside edge of the roof so it is 45 degrees

Paint melted candy on to inside of front
Push side of house into candy, hold in place for a minute until candy sets
Brush candy melts around inside of hole in front of house, and along outside edge
Push blue candy melt over hole

Brush melted candy on to the inside of the back piece
Push sides of house into candy, hold in place for a minute until candy sets
Brush melted candy on to the top edges
Push roof of house into candy, hold in place for a minute until candy sets

Brush melted blue candy on to the entire gingerbread house base piece

Set house on base
Immediately sprinkle with aqua sugar crystals before candy sets
Using a piping bag fitted with a star nozzle, pipe small stars along the top of the roof
Pipe a small star on one end of a candy stick and attach to front of house, just below hole

Pipe a star on to back of iced bird cookie and attach to front of house
Pipe iced stars along sides of bird house and along front and back edge of the roof

Sieve icing sugar onto roof, to give the house a snowy look

On my Winter Wonderland dessert table

Have a sweet day!

When real is really scary

I have offered my blog as a safe-haven for a writer to write something out...

Firstly thank you to Maxabella for offering to me to write this post. It is the hardest thing I have ever written. It makes it real, for so long it has felt safe in my head, a story, a fictional life, but it isn’t. Life is not as dark as it may seem in this post, this is a mere slither, generally life is full of wonder, beauty and things to be grateful for and again thank you to Maxabella for reminding me of this. Oh yeah, and sorry it is really long!

When Maxabella emailed me earlier this week concerned that she couldn’t find my blog I didn’t know what to tell her. Part of me wanted to reply with some fluffy reason and another part of me wanted, needed to be honest.

You see late last week I all but deleted myself from the online world. Here is why.

Growing up all I wanted was a sister. Someone to play with, hold hands with, feel safe with and someone to share life with. But I already had a sister, an older sister, just not the one I wanted.

Schizophrenia is such a broadly used term these days but in the 70’s it was still a taboo subject. She, (I will call her she), has a mental illness, loosely diagnosed as schizophrenia but it is more than that. She is paranoid, angry, and worst of all violent. When she is triggered she is the scariest thing I have ever seen. Throw in a mass of illegal substances and really, you don’t want to even think about it.

This was my reality growing up. Thankfully not constantly, she would come and go and my parents protected me from the worst of it. Generally, I had a happy childhood, apart from these instances where she would again blow in to our lives.

When she was fine she was what I always wanted and still to this day part of me wishes she was. Another part of me, a larger part of me wishes she would expire from this earth.

I often question why there is so much tragedy in life. Innocent children with terminal illness, parents and children separated by tragic accidents, when people like her, seem to be invincible. Untouched by anything including the pain, hurt and fear to their victims.

In violent rages she has attempted the worst, family members including children have been exposed to this. I have too, in an incident that is my clearest memory, sadly, even moreso than the birth of my children. I remember breaking free in a split second of chance and running. I never knew I could run so fast. If only I was running toward something. I can’t articulate the feeling, or maybe I just don’t want to. Then a few years later in one violent eruption of rage she did the worst. A member of my family.

Finally, after so many years she was taken away. The relief I thought I felt wasn’t there. It intensified, for I knew how it would play out. Just as it had in the past. A master at manipulation and even with all of her history she would deceive her way out all too soon. Forever would have been too soon.

It is hard to explain what it is to live your life in fear. It isn’t a constant fear, which I know some sadly live with every day. God, I couldn’t even imagine. It is just a fear that is deep down in a pit deep in your stomach. Your senses are more acute, you feel the tingle of your adrenaline on the verge, ready to fight or flight, and it will instantly when needed. It may be walking down the street and you feel you have to look over your shoulder. A shadow out of the corner of your eye. It may be coming home and entering an empty house. It may be the strange noise in the middle of the night, or even in the middle of the day. The fear can be gripping, paralysing. My mind will race 1000 miles an hour playing out all the scenarios. Where I will hide, where I will run. I am never ready, but always preparing.

Many years have passed with nothing to be heard of. I have kept my profile low and getting married, the first thing I thought about wasn’t the joy of new beginnings with the love of my life, it was the relief of no longer carrying my family name. I couldn’t sign those papers quick enough.

But all this lead to complacency. Not a total lack of fear, but the feeling of what it is to lead a normal life. I started to do things I loved doing using my name. The online world beckoned and I began business. Along came social media and out there I was. Then I discovered blogging. Hesitant at first I again became complacent. It was liberating to feel free to write about my life, my family, the ups and downs, sharing funny and happy moments. A part of me was still careful of disclosing everything, but it did feel wonderful to relax a little.

Until now.

In a flash it all returned.

It only took me about an hour to wipe myself from the online world, although I am sure not completely, (is that even possible?) but enough for me to feel safe. Safe enough.

Now I am in limbo. Going from wanting to change my name, wanting to disappear myself, wanting to crawl in the corner of my wardrobe for as long as it takes for this storm to pass....again. But then, in the same moment, I want to be strong. To keep going on with life as it is. To be grown up. To stand up. But that is harder to play out than in my head.

I miss my blog. I miss sharing my thoughts. Perhaps it is what kept me sane all these years. My journals, my diaries, my writing, and then my blogging. The blog posts still run through my head continually. Maybe they will stop one day. Maybe not. After all I am a writer and it isn’t something you can just switch off, it is just now I have to do it just for me.

I have considered reinventing my blog under a pseudonym or anonymously but I can’t get my head around doing this. I want to be authentic, I want to be real. I don’t want to have to hide. But the world is a dangerous place, generally. There are people out there who can’t believe their lucky stars at what people share on line. We are today, the most accessible we have ever been.

For me, for now, as I said, I will write privately. This will pass. I think I will return in some anonymous state. I have a lot to share and perhaps I can share more that way. Perhaps in fact anonymously I can be free without caution, without the fear. For once.

One day life will be good. All the time. One day the fear will leave. I only dare to dream of that feeling, I know it feels good. I close my eyes tight, the tears well. Imagine. One day.

♥

You never really know what is going on in a person's life at any given moment. The hidden pain, the sorrow, the fear. My dear friend, you are a brave soul and your blog is much missed.

You need to do what is right for you, but I do think you can be totally anonymous and still be 'real'. I am sure many reading this would agree.

Do you think you can?

[Image via weheartit]

Photog. Session {Family}

I had so much fun with this family. They are such great people and they have an amazing connection to each other that can be easily seen through their photos.

I Heart Faces: Best Face of 2011

One of my favorite photos of 2011.

Ribbon storage

Source 1, 2-5

The Christmas decorations are all packed away and I can't wait to start re-styling my house for Spring. But before I do I have to get my house in order! Which means organization, organization, organization!

Today I am sharing with you some cute storage ideas for ribbon from the Danish brand, House Doctor.

Have a sweet day!

Thank you favours & cute lollies

Happy Monday everyone!

So who is back into the swing of things. While I am still busy sending out orders from the shop, the kids are still on school holidays for another 3 weeks so we have no set routine making it hard to really get back on top things. We are having a lovely time swimming in the pool and heading to the beach and generally enjoying the Australian summer but I think I may need to just go with the flow until the end of January.

On the weekend though I had some fun putting together some party favours with a new candy line that I am adding to the store.

These cute little lollies are called sixlets - mini chocolate balls covered in hard candy.

These little take home gifts were created for a 40th surprise party (happy birthday Sam!), and the theme was silver and gold - how cute do they look together in the mini apothecary jars.

I added an elegant tag which we stamped with my thank you stamp and added some twine and the guests were suitably impressed.

The Sixlets currently come in six colours, black, white, green, blue, silver and gold - I do hope to add more colours as you all know how much I need pink to be involved. You can find them in the store here and these little mini apothecary jars hold 100g each.

I have also added a new size in this very cute little apothecary jar. Instead of the mini (which is 10cm high) it is called the small apothecary jar. She is 11cm high looks great with a little stack of biscuits like I used on my Christmas table. If you would like to know more you can find them here.