I have a great faith. Most don't know this about me because I am very reserved about it. My faith and spirituality is not for show, it is not a parade. I don't shout it out or make a skeptical. It's just for me. As children we grew up in the church. My mother brought us up as Catholics. With her deep spirituality and my amazing school and church influence, I have a very special faith as an adult, that I hope I will never let go. I have beautiful, beautiful memories of my church and religion as a child. I absolutely 100% believe it is because of my upbringing in the church and my faith that I am the person I am today. Sometimes this became a bit blurry. I had lost my way over the years and not been my best self. But it's all my journey. Each and every high and low are part of the plan and will help me grow.
These days I would say I was more spiritual than religious. I have taken my childhood faith and have joined it with the spirit that is within my soul and created a 'religion' that is suited just for me. I do not go to church every week but I still pray and look to God each day to help guide me through this roller coaster of life. The beautiful thing about my life at the moment is that I am thanking God much more than I am asking for help. This makes me happy. Every day I am so thankful for the blessings I have. I know down the track I will need my help and guidance, but right now I am thankful.
Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. The first day of
lent. I celebrated it in my own way. I once again took aspects from my childhood faith and mixed it with my now. I took my pen and paper and wrote down my feelings. I wrote down a few things I was sorry for. A few things that I wanted to ask God, the universe and myself for forgiveness. I then took another piece of paper and wrote down my 'sacrifice'. Something that I was going to give up over the next 40 'days'. I wanted this 'sacrifice' to be something that will improve my life. That would make me happy. I thought long and hard about it. Yes I could give up chocolate, or alcohol, or junk food, but due to the coeliac this has all been done. I decided on "no screens for Tea or T.V"
Rob and I always eat breakfast, lunch and dinner in front of the T.V. This is a bad habit that we have gotten ourselves into over the past few months and it is not healthy. We both work late at night so we come home and spend most nights in front of the T.V. We started to miss talking. It wasn't about what we did that day or how we felt when something happened, it was who was kissing who on the latest soap. As most of you know I am a social media addict. Which I love. Thanks to my amazing little iPhone I can access all of my different medias at the touch of a button, which is totally awesome and handy but have noticed at night it is constantly stuck to my hand! I am always on it. During dinner, during T.V shows. all.the.time. So for the next 40 'days' all screens are banned. The TV will be turned off during dinner and phones will be put away. Rob and I can just be us again and get back to what's really important, being together. No interruptions from a fight on H&A or a notification on twitter. This may seem like a small thing to some but to us and for us, its a big deal. Everything else in my life right now is quite perfect. Effortlessly perfect. I think that this 1 little change will really make a huge difference in our lives and in our relationship.
I wrote this 'sacrifice' on a piece of paper, along with my 'forgiveness' and folded them up. I set them a light and watched them burn. I watched as the bright fire melted away the paper into soft black dust. I couldn't help but smile as the smoke rose from the jar. I felt a sense of peace and hope that I was letting my hurt and sorrow go and allowing only happiness and joy to stay in my heart. I let it go.
I took the ashes from the jar and made a cross on my head. It wasn't the ashes of the palms like the roman Catholics use but it was
MY ashes.
MY forgiveness and
MY sacrifice. As I made the cross, I said a prayer. I thanked God for all of my blessings. I am so very lucky for my faith, my belief in god and my amazing life I am living. As I blew out the candle I felt peace. I was happy.
x S.K.K x
