No, this isn't a man-hating post (har, har, I crack myself up... I hope you read my title, otherwise I'll just be looking like a total nutter right about now... maybe still?) ANYWAY.
No, this is a post about putting down the 'juggling balls' of motherhood. I hate to tell you this, but I'm SO sick of that expression that I just want to scream. The hysteria-inducing media talks about the 'juggle' of motherhood, my friends talk about 'keeping all the balls in the air', my friendly bloggers blog about 'dropping the balls'... if we stepped back and took a good look at our society right now, you'd think that mothers belonged in the circus.
Ask any real juggler and they'll tell you that juggling is lots and lots of fun but also the most stressful thing they'll ever do. Well, I only know one actual juggler, and that's what he said. "Juggling more than three balls is like trying to give 100% concentration to more than one thing at the same time," he said. "Yes, I know, that's impossible, but somehow you just make it work. But it's beyond stressful trying to focus on one ball while you're looking at another. The satisfaction of 'the catch' is solid, but gone in an instant. You catch, you feel the thud, then you throw it straight back in the air again."
"The satisfaction of the catch is solid, but gone in an instant" - how many of us can relate to that? We are only barely finished with one accomplishment before we're moving quickly onto the next. Our lives become moments of fleeting satisfaction, barely acknowledged.
Is it just me who thinks 'No freaking way. That's not how I want to live.'
If you feel like your life is a constant juggle, I think you need to put down the balls for an evening and really take stock of what you're doing with your life. While those balls are on the ground, you could give yourself a nice little foot massage with them while you think about things like:
What am I doing that doesn't really need doing?
What am I doing that I could be more efficient at?
What am I doing that someone else could be doing?
What do I need to do to make that happen?
I did this task many, many years ago. I was a juggler. I felt out of control. I had just gone back to work (in a new job) after my maternity leave with Cappers. I was terrified of all I needed to do and in a state of constant momentum. I didn't feel capable of being a wife, a mother of two under 2 who didn't want to sleep, a friend, a boss, a colleague, a daughter, a sister, an aunt and CEO of my own messy house. I felt physically sick from being wired on adrenalin 24/7.
I didn't make many changes. I'm still all those things, but I made small changes that helped me get a handle on it all. I still do those things today.
Things like not going to every social occasion I am invited to. Maybe not even going to any if I'd rather be at home doing something quiet with my family. Things like watching only one or two television shows a week instead of 4 or 5. Things like reading less books so I have a bit of time for blogging. Like building up a
support network of people - both paid and friend - that works like a dream. Like hiring a gardener to help me keep on top of a space that's important to me. And doing my own cleaning because if I go hard for a couple of hours, that's a clean house and a work-out right there. Not reading silly women's magazines (okay, sometimes, but not always!); not seeking a promotion at work so I can contain my obligations there; not going on time-sucky and sometimes just plain sucky Facebook; spending as much time as I can outside; working really hard to not feel guilty about any of my choices if I know I did the best I could at the time.
The number one change I made, though, was the decision to not compare myself to what anyone else was doing. I don't want to keep up with those over-indulged, vacuous, aggressive Joneses any more. They can live the way they want to live, and I'll just be doing my thing over here.
You've got to let some of it go, because if you're living in a constant state of stress, something
has to give. You can't sustain it. If your body manages to withstand the constant pressure, your mind certainly won't. You won't be happy, you
can't be happy if you're constantly stressed to the max. When you're sitting there, taking stock, think about how many of those balls are weighted with other people's expectations. How many are ones you juggle to please others or to maintain a standard. They're probably the first ones you can get rid of.
This is your life, not a circus show. So, please, put down the balls.
Are you a juggler? Does it make you happy?
What could you change in your life to make things easier?
