I have
another blog. It's a 'weight loss' blog. It's one I rarely post in anymore. When I'm good, I'm very good, when I'm bad, I'm... absent. I kept it separate from this blog because the whole topic of dieting just bores me to tears and I didn't want you all to drown.
Sometimes I think there must be more to my weight than just a 'big appetite', a 'love of food'. I joke that I just love butter. I joke that there's more of me to love. I joke that if I wasn't fat, I'd be too perfect and no one would like me. Ha! There is something in the sterotype of the jolly fat person... get in first because it doesn't hurt as much when you do your own teasing.
I have never felt depressed about my weight. I've never felt ashamed. God, being overweight is not the worst thing in the world, not even close. Sometimes I try to wring an ounce of remorse out of myself, but, like the excess kilos, not a drop falls. From time to time I feel left out because I'm bigger than the other girls, but then as a towering redhead, my whole life I've felt like that.
I've felt helpless though. I've felt defeated and frustrated and angry with myself. I've felt confused. I don't understand why I can't beat this thing. Year after endless year at the back of my mind someday when I get around to it tomorrow one last time this is it I am always thinking about losing 'the weight'. Sometimes I think that the only weight I really need to lose is this suffocating weight on my mind. This incessant need to be thinner rather than just be me.
I've been on a diet for about twenty two years now.
In my mind I am thin as a whip and I carry myself as if this is so. I am not slow or lumbering. I dress nice. I keep up. I am not someone who worries that my children are missing out because their mum's a bit of a lardy lump. From time to time they ask me about it - now that they're older. I use myself as an example of someone who doesn't always make the healthiest food choices. It's not a good thing, I caution. It's important to look after yourself.
But at the same time, I tell them that being bigger is okay. You can still be beautiful, just look how beautiful mummy is. It's not okay to wonder why people are the way they are. That's their business and it's not yours. It's not okay to call people names just because they are fatter.
At the end of the day, I'd rather be fat than be mean.
What do you really think about overweight people?
Do you struggle yourself?
[Image from here]
