Here she is! Getting bigger :)
The first month has been a mix of emotions. The first two weeks were probably the hardest time of my life. Now at one month, it's still hard, but we're managing better.
What's been going on....
Breastfeeding
It seemed like no matter how hard I tried (with her latching, nipple confusion, & eventually using a nipple shield) or how long I nursed her (for eight hours straight one night) she was never satisfied. Everyone says you'll feel like a cow with them attached to you nearly every hour. So I expected nursing her every 1-2 hours. But what she was doing wasn't normal. She was not getting enough and therefore would be on me every five minutes for hours and hours straight. I cried every sleepless night and and every morning where I felt like I just couldn't do it anymore. So I began supplementing. I felt like a complete failure. I hated each time she would have to suck down formula. I only want the BEST for my baby. My goal was at least six months of exclusively breastfeeding. But Addison needed a sane, happy mommy. Everyone kept telling me she would be just fine, happy mommy= happy baby. Weeks 3 and 4 I pumped during the day and nursed her at night. She ended up getting about 50/50. However after advice from my doctor, for personal reasons, I am now weaning off and she will be just on formula. Although this wasn't my plan I'm not going to continue beating myself up over it like I had been. I know she will be perfectly fine.
Sleep
What sleep? I didn't sleep for two weeks straight. It is getting better, slightly. But being sleep deprived can take a toll on you. Again, I thank my husband for helping out. I'm not quite sure how single moms do it, or moms with twins. I give them big props! She likes to eat every two hours still, sometimes she will push three hours. So we are up very often! For the most part she sleeps in her bassinet beside my bed. Occasionally I will let her sleep on me in the morning.
Sick Baby
My hub and I were sick for a day or two, sore throats & head colds. Then I noticed Addison had a very raspy voice. I could tell she wasn't feeling well. One night she just cried and cried, I knew her poor throat hurt her. But there was nothing I could do :( I just tried comforting her best I could. Two hours later she finally feel asleep. There's nothing worse then seeing your baby upset and feeling helpless. I think she's still getting through it, I'm hoping she feels better.
Love
Through all the struggles and sleepless nights, I can not imagine loving her any more. The past couple of mornings when I talk to her she lights up with a big smile right at me. My heart melts. The first time she did it made me teary eyed. I can't wait for more and more of them! And I can't wait to capture it on camera! Here's a hint of one...
There's so much I look forward to. I know I will miss this itty bitty baby one day though, so I'm trying to soak up the moments she is snuggled up on my chest and the when she wraps her tiny hand around my finger. There's nothing like it.
Items we couldn't have survived without:
The vibrating rocker that came with her pack n play. I cannot say enough about it. She sleeps in it most of the day and is usually instantly comforted. I highly recommend this device.
The sleep sheep. Addison LOVES this. It helps her sleep so much better. The only downfall is it only stays on for 45 minutes. When that time is up, so is she. But I just press the button again and she's lights out :)
Here is here "brand new" photo for comparison!
