I'm a bit of a funny one. A friend once described me as the most introverted extrovert he'd ever met, and I think he was spot on. A social butterfly who prefers her own company. If I spend too much time in the company of others the walls start to close in and I feel the need to retreat (retreat!). But if I spend too much time by myself, I'm climbing those very walls and am itching to get stuck into the company and fun of others.
I know through my psych studies that the true definition of extroversion is being externally motivated and introverts are just the opposite. So I know that deep down I am pure extrovert as I have zero capability to amuse and motivate myself if I suspect others aren't watching... but the social / not-social me is there nonetheless.
The extroverted side of me bullies the introverted side. All my life I've pressured myself to have more friends and be more social. I do love a party, but I'm not that good at hanging around just shooting the breeze with people who I don't find that interesting. And, confession time, I find most people just aren't that interesting. It took me a very long time to accept this and move on. I used to fret about not having a 'group' of mates that I kicked around with constantly. I'm still fascinated by the idea of a close group, but these days I've come to understand that the reason I never attracted such a group was because deep down the very thought of hanging around with the same bunch of people all the time makes me want to run for the hills.
Instead, over the years I've collected a friend here and there who became a bestie. So the friends I particularly love have been collected in unlikely places across a lifetime. They mean the world to me, but I see them very irregularly and most of the time I'm more than okay with that. I am actually closest to (and spend most time with) Sisters A and C, but sisters don't really count as friends (as Sister C used to tell me when we were young and she was horrified to find herself hanging out with her sister yet again)...
But lately Cappers has fallen in love with Sammy, her Very Best Friend In The Whole World (as opposed to Lara who was last year's VBFITWW or Charlie who was VBFITWW the year before that). Cappers and Sammy have been making me a little melancoly for the dear friends in my own life. So, I'm sending loving wishes to four lovely friends out there today.
Heather - who I met when we lived in side by side in semis in inner-city Sydney and had matching rowdy newborns. Dear Heather and I would swap houses regularly so I could listen to her baby refuse to sleep and she could listen to mine. Just to break up the routine, you know.
Cass - who I met in a spa in The Lakes District in England and who just 'stuck' from that day on. Cassie and her husband Clay are just gorgeous people who I could spend every day with and never get bored or feel claustrophobic.
Marina - my oldest schoolfriend who reminds me of life before responsibility. We can still talk for hours on the phone about boys (although these days the boys in question are on her daughter's mind, not hers) and she is someone I can call on day or night and she would drop everything to be there.
Jodie - who is a new friend, but a firm one. Our boys met at preschool last year and once we got over thinking each other was a bit nuts (as you do with frazzled mums everywhere!), we've come to rely on each other and laugh non-stop when we're together.
So, I feel like I've come full circle with friendships and am happy these days without the longed for group. It's lovely being content around others and even more content with the place of friendship in my life.
Have you also made friends with friendship? Do you have a close posse of friends, or are you a lone cowgirl like myself?
