It's Wednesday afternoon and I'm on the tools.
School Pick-up.
Pram wheels whizzing in front, six kids trailing behind; a slow caravan of feet-dragging, backpack-heaving, high-spirited blue. And a Euphonium.
Keep up Slowest Boy in the World, don't make me come back there.
No we can't play in the playground, Flygirl's got to get to art class.
Hold onto the pram, Cappers, we're crossing in a minute. Yes, you do need to hold onto the pram. No, you're not old enough to cross by yourself even if I watch you very carefully and you look right and left and left again. And, by the way, it's left then right then left again - that's why you can't cross the road by yourself.
No you can't come out of the pram, Badoo. You wanted the pram, you got the pram, I hate the pram, I'm not pushing an empty pram. And a Euphonium.
Okay, I'll carry your heavy bag, Sambochips. Load it on top of the pram. Really, Cappers? I have to carry yours too? And Max - okay, just put all the bags onto the pram and I'll put these two on my back and, okay, Badoo, you can get out of the pram now. Please, Badoo, you wanted to get out and now I need you to... oh, forget it. Maxi, just balance yours on top of the Euphonium. Just call me 'pack horse', no problems.
Well, honey, a pack horse is usually a donkey or mule or, oh, just forget it. Forget I said anything.
Maxi, leave the birds alone, we're about to cross.
Slowest Boy in the World, leave the birds alone, we're about to cross.
No, really, Cappers, don't worry about what a mule is. Really. Don't. Worry.
We cross. Six kids, six backpacks, a pram, a sagging mumma. And a Euphonium.
Okay, everyone into the car. Seat belts on. There you go, Badoo. Forgodsakes, bend, Badoo, BEND. Yes, you have to wear a seat belt. Yes, you have to wear a seat belt. Yes, you have to wear a seat belt. Just put the seat belt on, Badoo.
Everyone else got their seat belts on? Seat belts? Put your seat belts on. Seat belts! Cappers? Flygirl? Sambochips? Maxi? Slowest Boy in the World? Oh come on, SBITW. Maxi, help the kid out would ya?
I'll explain what a mule is later, Cappers. Don't worry about it right now. Just forget about it. You can, you really, really can.
Right. Six bags into the boot. Pram into the boot. And a Euphonium.
FuckmedeadthisbloodyEuphoniumhowthehelldoIgetthisintothecar. @#%$^ beep &$%* ^&%$$# beep beep #$%!$@!
Right.
Okay.
We're in. I can drive with half a Euphonium on my lap, no problem. What do you mean you're hungry and thirsty? You're not the ones who've just lugged six kids, a pram, six backpacks and a freakin' Euphonium up the goddamn hill. Here, share this mouthful of water amongst yourselves and here's six crumbs left over from this morning's toast. Enjoy.
And, seriously, Flygirl. Seriously. What in god's name is wrong with the flute?
What's 'pick-up' like for you?
Do you love it as much as I do?
Do you hang around the gate and chat to the other mums?
Do you get there early or are you always running late?
