It seems to me that many of spend a goodly proportion of our time worrying what other people think of us. What we wear, how we wear it, how we spend our time, the way we parent our children, where we live, how we live. Our insecurity about our place in the world leads us to buy the 'right' brand of stuff and pass off paying hundreds of extra dollars on an item as 'buying for the quality'. We spend such a lot of time not doing things because even though we really want to, we fear failure and what other people will say about that failure. So instead of just getting on with things, we spend a lot of our time worrying and waiting. Waiting for judgement.
But when you think about it, we are all too busy worrying about what other people think of us to actually spend any time thinking about them.
In fact, I think it's really quite rare for us to give other people's less attractive aspects a second thought unless they ask us about them. We tend to notice the nice things about people - a flattering outfit, a shiny new do, a beaming child, a kind gesture. For all our fussing about having the 'right' kind of house, car, clothes, life, I honestly couldn't tell you what kind of car a friend drives, unless it's the same kind as me and that's the only way I can remember. I notice their child's shining face as they play with mine, not their reading level or how fast they can run. Their $1000 handbag? Can't say I've noticed.
I think we are all like this. We look for the positive and gloss over the negative. Most of us, of course. There's always that 10% of judgey-judgers who we care not a jot about anyway because they are all so snooty and sneery and horrible and are really just not worth thinking about. They can keep their negativity burning up their insides because I'm not stopping around to hear it. I don't need to when I know that 90% of the people out there are frankly pretty darn lovely and we've got lots to talk about.
That's because most people out there are just like us. If they are thinking about us at all (and I seriously doubt they spend much time doing that) then they are looking for the good stuff. The goodest of the good stuff. They won't notice your sorry old pimple or your Target clothes because they are too busy complimenting you on your pretty eyes. They won't care what kind of handbag you're toting or the brand of fridge you have because they are too busy laughing at your jokes. They don't know what kind of car you drive either.
Thinking these kinds of thoughts always gives me confidence. I feel good to go whenever I'm ready, knowing I'll find support and appreciation from 90% of the big wide world out there. And, really, the other 10% are just sport to me.
How are your everyday confidence levels?
Do you cower around the judgey 10% or shine around the supportive 90%?
[Image by Keltie Colleen]